How to Invite Ridicule


Dear Democrats,

It sure would be great if we managed to get Obama elected. Maybe then the world won’t blow up! So, to that end, I have a suggestion. Let’s not make people from parts of the country where fried chicken is like mother’s milk think that we’re wimpy, elitist, fried-food-phobes who don’t eat anything but organic chard.

Maybe you’ve noticed that there’s a war on, and we’ve just lost the last two elections to the worst president ever. So, I think it’s safe to say that Democrats don’t have their priorities in place when the New York Times reports that no caterer wants to work at the convention because the food requirements look like they’ve been drafted by a Park Slope parent who forbids sugar and white flour.

“A 28-page contract requested by Denver organizers that caterers provide food in ‘at least three of the following five colors: red, green, yellow, blue/purple and white.’ Garnishes could not be counted toward the colors. No fried foods would be allowed. Organic and locally grown foods were mandated, and each plate had to be 50 percent fruits and vegetables. As a result, caterers are shying away.”