One of my favorite elements of the coverage of the super-sensational Christie Brinkley divorce trial has been the New York Post‘s “Peter Meter,” a wacky graphic with ex-husband Peter Cook’s disembodied head and a needle pointing in the direction of either “PARTAY!” or “COOKED!” depending on how badly the cad was portrayed in court that day. (For the record, the needle has practically been pinned at “COOKED!” for most of the trial. It’s gone nowhere near “PARTAY!”.) Imagine my disappointment today when there was no “Peter Meter” to accompany today’s story on the former couple’s divorce settlement.
Here’s a quick rundown of what each party got: Brinkley won sole custody of the couple’s two children, including final parental decision-making power. She also gets to keep all of her property. Cook gets a lump sum of $2.1 million, most of which will go to his legal fees. He also lost out on keeping the family’s boat, Sweet Freedom, which will be sold at the end of the summer. Brinkley and Cook will split the proceeds.
Despite lacking the “Peter Meter,” the Post does have an exclusive interview with Christie Brinkley. She talks to Andrea Peyser about the settlement and says that she’ll never marry again. They also include a “What She Gets/What He Gets” graphic, which is yet another opportunity for the paper to mention that Cook has masturbated with a webcam. Among the items Cook gets, according to the Post, are “his precious Web cam,” “A razor to shave his hairy palms” (eww) and “Total public humiliation.”
The Daily News coverage notes that the proceedings were “8 months of needless suffering for the kids,” and the paper quotes various divorce lawyers who say that the settlement is pretty close to what the judge had decided. News columnist Jo Piazza referred to the $2.1 million Brinkley hands over to Cook as a “small price to pay for serenity.” We’ll see how long this “serenity” lasts. After all this media hype, any man Christie Brinkley stands next to is going to be an object of speculation as potential husband #5, despite her claims to the contrary.