Our Man, the Freek and the Bidet


Today, Our Man Sietsema takes us on a wild ride to the Pharoh (sic) Café in Ridgewood, Queens.

At this Egyptian hookah cafe, Our Man likes the foul and the kuftas, and especially the miloukhia soup:

Best of all, though, was the miloukhia soup ($12), a dense green swamp with a slimy texture. It came with a big plate of rice ringed with tender chunks of stewed lamb. Another favorite was bashamel ($6), a casserole fabricated from pasta, white béchamel sauce, and ground meat.

He also likes quail stuffed with freek, a little-known ancient grain. And then, there is an encounter with a bidet. Perhaps a first for a restaurant review?

Emblazoned across the box was “Pilot Bidet,” with a picture of a plastic contraption hooked up to the back of a toilet seat. Before we could stop him, Scooter engaged our host in an animated discussion of the device (for sale at $79), culminating in a trip to the restroom, where one had been installed. He reported that the contraption has regulatory knobs and a nozzle that squirts water, intended to cleanse the nether regions in lieu of toilet paper. “It looks like it would send droplets all over the place,” he grimaced. We shuddered, but continued eating.

Faced with such challenging dinner material, Our Man finally succumbs to the lure of the hookah, and floats away on nicotine dreams.