Hollywood Bad Boys Have Soiled Our Lives


Christian Bale looking menacing. from Alternate:Words’ flickr photostream.

With Shia LaBeouf, Nick Hogan, and Christian Bale all doing shady, career-threatening things lately, it’s clearly become the year of the bad boy. Remember last year, when I was on TV every five minutes talking about the trashy triumvurate of Lindsay-Britney-Paris? They were guzzling booze, shaving their heads, and trying to wangle their way out of jail, and we were loving it; there was something endlessly appealing about three starlets who seemed to have everything acting way crasser and less functional (if prettier) than WE ever could. The blonde bimbos brought such whacked-out glamour to their dirty doings! But then the tide started shifting towards the guys in a very macabre way when Owen Wilson tried to off himself and then Heath sort of succeeded, and now this trio of demolition dudes has either scraped with the law or scuffled with their own mother while carelessly dancing on a volcano of oblivion.

The trashy-tart triumvirate still tries to grab headlines with zany, self-destructive doings, but their antics seem a bit amateur now. The men have totally taken over and they clearly will not stop until they destroy every single person around them and then jump off a roof without clothes on! I’m not happy because these guys seem REALLY dark and scary, whereas Lindsay-Britney-Paris had a certain lightness to their lunacy. Bring them back! I’ll gladly go on TV to talk about them again if Shia-Nick-Christian haven’t killed me by then!