Reasons I’ve Dropped Friends Like Turds


*One tried to claw drink tickets out of my hand without asking—not that I’d have agreed if he had.

*Another speared two shrimps off my plate at a restaurant even though I’d expressly made a formal speech telling everyone at the table that I’m an only child and I don’t share.

*Another begged me to take him out one Saturday, so I set up a fab night out, including a fabulous free dinner, and he totally stood me up.

*Yet another phoned in negative gossip column items about me based on confidential information I’d told him in friendly chatter, then was furious when I didn’t thank him for it.

And why have YOU dropped friends, my friends?