The Smoking Gun has an FBI affidavit for the arrest of one Herbert Alex Simpson for… well, let Special Agent Todd Berry tell it:
On or about July 30, 2008 Thomas Coughlin, head coach of the New York Giants, a National League Football Team, received a letter via U.S. mail that had been mailed from Philadelphia, purportedly from two females identified as “ND” and “AB” who were claiming to have had sexual relations with Mr. Coughlin when he was in Philadelphia with the team during December 2007. The letter threatened that “ND” and “AB” would share this information will Mr. Coughlin’s wife and family unless he paid them $10,000-$15,000 each.
The quasi-legalistic FBI-speak amplifies the humor of the situation: we imagine “ND” and “AB” telling Mr. Coughlin that they want “ten to fifteen thousand dollars,” and Coughlin’s face puckering as he tries to figure out what their game is.
When Coughlin got a second letter and brought this case to the NFL, they gave it to the FBI, who gave it to Berry, who talked to ND and AB, who said they had never met Coughlin and knew nothing about it, but identified the author as “a former co-worker who had previously written threatening letters” from his handwriting. The perp, Herbert Alex Simpson, told Bell he was just trying to mess with the girls as revenge for “work-related issues,” and that he never meant to send the letters to Coughlin, yet somehow did.
So the Feds have Simpson, and for some that would be the end of it. But we ponder and wonder: what was this threesome’s line of work? And what were the “work-related issues”? Were they fast-food employees, and one night the girls left Simpson to clean the fryer himself, so he figured he’d show them? Were they high-level corporate types involved in a power struggle? Were they Lindsay and Ali Lohan and a disgruntled personal assistant? It’s at least as interesting as wondering whether Coughlin gets laid on the road.