I’m finally number one at something besides felching! I’m the highest rated person in the media on cityfile.com! (At least I was as of a day or two ago. I’m afraid to look again for fear I’ve lost my bullet.) I have no idea what that rating means or what it’s based on, but who cares? When I looked, I was beating Jon Stewart, Bob Costas, and Bernadette Peters! And Reuters noticed this spectacular achievement and even did an article about the site, quoting me about my fabulous status. Maybe now people won’t think I’m Elvis fucking Costello!