Too Much, Too Soon, Two-Headed Turtle


New York will break your heart. No sooner did we learn to love the unnamed, gender-indeterminate two-headed turtle in Kensington than we discover, via Gothamist, that it has been kidnapped.

Aside from the turtle’s family and loved ones, WNBC reporter Glenn Zimmerman was perhaps hardest hit. “Our mission [was] to report on a rare find,” says Zimmerman. “We get to the store on 3rd Avenue and the story takes a twist… the turtle is gone!”

NY1 provides a video report, with a number for “anyone with information on the turtle’s whereabouts” to call.

At Runnin’ Scared we are still having an internal debate as to whether to work the crime-returns-to-Gotham angle or martyrize the turtle as one who flew (or, in this case, crawled) too close to the sun, like Kurt Cobain or Alex Rodriguez. We’ll revisit the subject after we’ve checked out some leads at the koi pond in our community garden.