Why wait until you’re really old to get a really old person’s discount? You can nab it right now—and though I’m hardly recommending this unspeakably shady practice, let me tell you just how it works. When you and your friends go to buy tickets for a movie, ask for senior citizen tickets and look like you sort of mean it. They will hand them right over without question, no doubt thinking it impolite to ask whether you’ve had a really good facelift—or maybe assuming you’re buying them for some other geezer. Then, when you go in to see the movie, the usher usually rips the ticket without looking, gives you your stub, and sends you into the theater, not even noticing that you’ve paid four bucks less than everyone else. And you never even had to limp or produce some kind of leaky colostomy bag!
But please, people, store this info in your database and then quickly delete it! Don’t ever indulge in this tawdry bit of trickery, even if you ARE old. The movie biz is in enough trouble, and besides, integrity-laden classics like Babylon A.D. and The Women deserve your full $12.50 plus large popcorn. Right?