Film

My Ickiest Celebrity Encounters of all Time

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I recently blogged about who the nicest celebrities are and I sensed a glow of sainthood encircling me as I did so. It felt awful! So, to appease my pitch-dark soul, here’s a rundown of the most unhappy run-ins I’ve had with stars. And no, I won’t include the ones with screaming divas Naomi Campbell, Jeanne Moreau, Anita Ekberg, and Vincent Gallo because I’m too scared to revisit experiences THAT traumatizing.

*Tom Cruise. At a premiere years ago, the kind of event where the stars are supposed to garner publicity, I introduced myself to Tom and asked if I could have a quickie interview. “Where are you from again?” he said, looking way up at me. “The Village Voice,” I repeated, professionally. Pause. His eyebrows throbbed. Serious acting going on. “No interview,” he shot out and toddled away.

*Christopher Plummer. My first question was about his triumph in the immortal The Sound of Music, which totally defined my childhood. I didn’t know he despises that film and all it represents. He stared me down as if surveying a decaying rodent. I ran.

*Patrick Stewart. On the set of a gay movie, I asked Stewart how the Trekkies would feel about him playing such a role. Long, withering pause. He seared into me with his eyes and tried to blind me with his bald head. He finally answered, his voice dripping with poison. “I’ve done a lot of other work besides Star Trek,” he intoned. I knew that.

*Famke Janssen, I like Famke a lot, but I got off on the wrong foot, as it were, when I brought up her large feet and went into a story about my own tootsies and how hard it is for me to find shoes that fit. A terrifying pause. “Why are we talking about this?” she said, as if addressing a maid who’d arrived late. Whoopsy!

*Whoopi Goldberg. I trashed her for making a remark about still having to live down the lesbian kiss in The Color Purple. She sent me a telegram urging me to get a life and, while I was at it, a sense of humor. Of course now we’re BFFs, united in fear of John McCain.

*Laurence Fishburne. At a meet and greet, I asked Sir Laurence a perfectly sensible question about his current Broadway play. He strangely looked sick, almost answered, and then just walked away! Probably to join Tom Cruise!

But I love my celebrities and I won’t hear another word debasing them!