Large Penis Coming to Premium Cable!


Thomas Jane

Any moment now, HBO will begin shooting an Alexander Payne-directed show reportedly called Hung, starring Thomas Jane as “a well endowed high school sports legend who’s now a middle-aged struggling high school basketball coach” who “figures out a way to use his best asset.” I guess with the vaginal dramedy Sex and the City having moved on to the silver screen and Big Pussy long sleeping with the fishes, HBO is now searching for a way to make a nouveau Mr. Big the main star of a series. The idea sounds base, crude, and totally debauched, and my Tivo’s all ready for it!

But what IS the idea, anyway? No one’s revealing the complete premise right now, so we can only wonder how Jane’s character uses his “best asset”. Does he do so by hustling? Pole vaulting? Batting 1000? Clubbing rich people over the head and rifling through their pockets? Using it as a vine in the jungle, where he can say witty things like, “You Tarzan, Me Thomas Jane”? Putting the ‘basket’ back in basketball? Using it as a bridge to the NBC studio, where his wife Patricia Arquette shoots Medium? (“Hello, Medium, meet large!”) Being a private dick?

And more importantly, a fucking penis now has its own show and I don’t? I give up. I’m cutting it off! (His, that is.)

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