The Worst Kind of Friend You Could Have!


You know the type–the self-aggrandizing pal who only bothers to communicate when he/she wants something. As in, “My cousin’s coming into town this weekend. Anything good going on?” Or: “Hi! Do you know if [promoter] is going to be at the club tonight? I need to know if I can get free drinks for me and my crew.” Or “Just calling to book myself as your plus-one for the next five Sondheim revivals.”

This type of loony leech will occasionally seem to have some nice gesture up his sleeve, but by the end of the offer it turns out THAT’s completely self-serving too. For example: “Let me take you out to dinner some night this week…It’s my friend’s new restaurant and he needs some buzz on the place!”

What to do when under the spell of this kind of aggressive worker bee, with his claw in your craw? Reverse the tables, honey. Every time he calls, ask him if you can borrow a large sum of money. He’ll leave your ass alone soon enough! Or maybe just break down and do him the favor once in a while. Is it that horrible to be needed by someone?