Fuck Joe the Plumber!


I’m tired of hearing about Joe the Plumber and his supposedly desperate needs. (Not the actual Ohio man, mind you, but all the Joe the Plumbers he’s come to represent.) Flush him down his own toilet already! He’s boring–not to mention being a macho construct based on willfully pretending it’s the man who always rules the American roost.

He doesn’t! As evidence, let’s bring back Josephine the Plumber! That character–winningly played by ex child star Jane Withers–rocked TV sets in the 1960s in a series of brassy commercials that made me a lifetime fan of Comet cleanser. (I’m using it on my teeth as we speak.) As she valiantly battled sink stains, Josephine was butch, genial, and totally in charge. She’s the kind of citizen that our new administration needs to cater to with their every legislative stroke. She isn’t confused, mealy mouthed, or pathetically begging for mercy like the Joes of the world so often are. She’s a queen and our country needs to put our queens on a throne again–and we need to make sure that throne is immaculate and sparkling after a major Comet workout!

Joe the Plummer down, Josephine the Plumber up to the White House! Only she can clean out the stench there.