Marital mudflinging has become the new bloodsport in gossip, and I’ve booked myself a front row seat, kids. I’ve been loving the Madonna–Guy cross accusations, even though they tend to have a “duh” feeling to them. (“He’s emotionally retarded”; “She’s obsessed with her image”–DUH! This is even less shocking than the divorce itself.)
The stuff that leaked from Guy’s camp into yesterday’s Post–that Madonna works out half the day, was too tired to have sex for 18 months, regularly slathers herself with expensive anti-aging creams, and sleeps in a plastic bag–may have been the best read since Madonna’s brother’s book, but it was hardly eye opening. It was everything we expect of Madonna!
At least the developments in the David Duchovny/Tea Leoni rift included that interesting bit of supposed Californication between Tea and Billy Bob Thornton (who ever since Slingblade has put the sex appeal back in emotionally retarded). Billy Bob denies it all, blah blah, but still, Duchovny is emerging as the wronged party who perhaps became sexually a-dick-ted to fight back against being cock-olded. And a friend of mine has a whole other interesting theory about this situation. Remember when Duchovny announced that he was going into sexual rehab right before Tea’s film Ghost Town was opening? Well, my pal feels the timing of that was calculatedly vengeful, as it forced Tea to cancel all her press interviews for that movie and put up a wall of privacy, as the film tumbled into oblivion.
If Duchovny was a truly loving spouse, he would have realized that the movie probably wasn’t going to make it anyway!
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on October 20, 2008