We’ve all been down this dank road before: You have inside information that your friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend is sneaking around on them big-time. You’ve seen them in action or you’ve spotted them on Manhunt or JDate or they’ve hit on YOU, for god’s sakes. The honorable thing to do–in fact, the ONLY thing to do–is to breathlessly run to your pal and spill the baked beans about their lover’s indiscretions so they can assess the damage and make an instant change in their lives, right? Noooo! In fact, it’s the WORST thing you can do! Trust Mama Musto!
First of all, everyone on the planet cheats, so this is not exactly a late breaking story. But everyone’s in DENIAL about how everyone cheats, so they’re all much better left to their reveries, pretending they’re in a monogamous relationship because they just don’t know any better. Going to your friend with something so shattering will only harm yourself because your friend will cling to the lie he/she’s been living and will brand you a gigantic, old troublemaker. And you ARE a troublemaker. Even if the friend believes you, they will blame the messenger and forever remember you as the person who jolted them out of their complacence with hateful gossip. So just shut the fuck up. Bite your tongue so hard it falls off into your plate of crow.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on October 30, 2008