President elect Barack Obama has foolishly jumped the gun and appointed a cabinet member without waiting for my sage advice! He’s already fucked up! Here’s who he SHOULD be tapping for the various key slots:
For Secretary of Defense, Britney Spears. After all, she used to sit and eat barbecued ribs behind “da fence.”
For Secretary of Labor, Angelina Jolie. No one will go into labor more than her in the upcoming century.
For Secretary of Energy, Shakira. Who has more energy than her? Light a flame under that broad’s tail and she’ll shimmy us to all new ecological freedoms.
For Secretary of International Affairs, it should be someone who’s had a lot of them. Maybe Melanie Griffith? (Yes, I’ve already tried some of these jokes out on TV. I’m only stealing from myself.)
And finally, for Secretary of the Interior, Martha Stewart. Duh.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on November 10, 2008