Last week, it was revealed that America’s sweetheart Jennifer Aniston had finally broken her silence on Brangelina by telling Vogue that Angelina having spilled the beans on details of the relationship “was very uncool.”
Wow, THAT’S hot stuff isn’t it! A really incendiary barrage of pure rage! Almost as torrid and fiery as if Jen had bellowed, “She’s not very nice, is she?”
Jennifer, darling, I know you’re trying to be diplomatic and not take the low road here, but you’ve been hurt deeply and I know you’ll feel much better about things if you dig into your hate pit and simply let it rip. Come on, shout it out, girl! Stop being tasteful about this shit! After all, the harlot brazenly stole your man in an act of grand larceny and has had 800-and-counting babies of all shapes and sizes with him! And she’s been publically flaunting it and gloating about it ever since!
So quit with the nicey-nice act. Give Angelina a taste of some real venom and tell her the fuck off! Call her Pillow Lips! Lineoleum Forehead! Trapeze Twat! Brother Fucker!
Help me, people. What else should Jennifer say to the lowdown hussy?
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on November 17, 2008