New York

Assault Rifles and Pimp Hats at Our Hometown Kids’ Christmas Parade


We went home for turkey, and our mom’s dragged us to this wack Christmas parade in the place we grew up, a town where we once found post-student-stabbing blood on our public-high-school locker. (Swear to Jesus, which was coincidentally one of the most popular names there.) Nothing’s changed, it appears: the balloon men sell inflated Spongebobs, stuffed Rudolphs, assault rifles, and pimps’ hats! Christmas is for the children!

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