The Slightly Wayward Sexual Advances of Common


And now, the latest installment in Stuff Rob Forgot to Assign, a series that should reoccur way more often than it actually does, considering.

Universal Mind Control

So Common is insisting that Obama’s ascension will “change hip-hop for the better” — hopefully our new president will start with Common himself. I journeyed to a Midtown label office the morning after Election Day to sample Universal Mind Control, still a bit giddy, which alas only fueled my zeal in writing down all the super-doofy pickup lines our hero employs therein — “Seen her ass/Crack a smile,” etc. (“My dick is like a Blow-Pop baby,” adds Pharrell, who handles most of the bright, snappy, actually quite enjoyable production, but with just seven words lands on my imminent Worst Lyrics of 2008 tournament bracket.) The above “Sex 4 Sugar” best underscores the issue with this record: It’s knuckleheaded and junior-high-oriented in its prurience at the exact moment Common is calling for a renaissance. “I want to be at Will Smith’s level,” the actor/rapper adds in that piece, but I assume he means in terms of acting, not rapping — it is not exactly a compliment to say that this song is basically Flight of the Conchords + the Fresh Prince’s “Boom! Shake the Room” + “Jizz in My Pants.” Kindly step back into the light.

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