When You’d Rather Not Eat Well


I know this sounds weird coming from me, but there are times when you’d rather not drag your ass across the boundaries of time and space to get the best possible meal.

I pondered this as I gazed upon the bejeweled new Kellogg’s Diner rising before me above the L train’s Lorimer stop, prior to going in and dining. When the joint was boarded up several months ago, the general belief was that this old-timer had bit the dust, and that a slender new glass condominium tower would soon be rising in its stead.


Well, we were all full of shit, and most of us are glad the diner still occupies this space which can been seen — but not easily accessed — from the BQE. Just as the premises have become more overblown and glitzy, so has the menu spiraled out of control. It’s a thick, plastic-clad volume that would take weeks of study to master.

There’s the new frittata section, for example. Of a half-dozen, would you prefer the Neptune the King frittata (Nova salmon, onions, scallions, tomatoes, and peppers) or the meat lover’s frittata (bacon, ham, sausage, and Muenster cheese)? Do you want pancakes with chocolate chips, the Valley Star (?) vegetable platter, or a half-pound bison burger?

Wisely, I think, my companion and I stuck to the basics: eggs over easy with sausage, and a Texas burger topped with bacon and a fried egg (Why Texas, we wondered?). The burger was generous, but rubbery, the sausages good, while the hashbrowns proved unbrowned and unlovely.

Sometimes you just want to eat plain food. On the other hand, we could have ordered the one lonely lobster… 518 Metropolitan Avenue, 718-782-4502


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