Life was simpler when Hulk Hogan dominated faux wrestling. Now, schmucks we’ve never heard of—like “The Heartbreak Kid” and the self-proclaimed “Wrestling God”—face death blows (well-choreographed death blows, that is) in something called WWE Raw. The main event tonight is World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. Chris Jericho. The two macho men battle it out in an 18-foot steel cage, in which (insert maniacal announcer voice here) “Flesh meets steel, and bodies and careers are ended!” Oh, we could only be so lucky. Here’s the breakdown: Jericho is an eight-time Intercontinental Champion (a record in WWE), while Cena has held the WrestleMania Championship three times. Frankly, we’re not sure which of those titles is better, so we’re rooting for them both.
Sun., Dec. 28, 8 p.m., 2008