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If you, set adrift in your post-Crystal Castles crystalline stupor, missed the USC marching band perform Avenged Sevenfold’s speed-metal jam “Almost Easy” at the Rose Bowl, a grainy handheld video of the halftime-show highlight is on YouTube (and conveniently placed above). USC’s impossibly ridiculous rendition is also the latest entrant into the metal and emo wing of the Band Dork Hall of Fame, a completely fictional un-honorary society imagined by ex-water-cooler pal/one-time Lyres-voice-mail archivist Carly Carioli. Heed the other members of this fine U-nerd academy: the Alabama University Million Dollar Band, who once treated Southern drunks to the Green Day loony-bin monologue “Basket Case”; Towson University Pit Band for covering Iron Maiden’s “The Trooper” (Eddie masks are conspicuously absent); and our personal fave, despite a bitter alma mater rivalry, Notre Dame’s version of “Livin’ on a Prayer” done before one Jon Bon Jovi. Apologies, fellow birds, this beats “Build Me Up Buttercup” by a mile.