What’s Your Favorite Word For a Penis?

And don’t say penis! That’s so coldly clinical even doctors tend to stay away from it. Here are some other possible choices:

*Schlong. I like it, though it sounds a little Borscht Belty–like something that would have been served in the Catskills with cole slaw and some Polish jokes.

*Dick. Too monosyllabic, but at least it’s a man’s name. I would hate to call my thing Mary Beth.

*Dingaling. A little too trivializing, I fear. A ding-dong should be named something with more gravitas.

*Cock. That has gravitas, but it also is unfortunately reminiscent of a barnyard animal that shits all over itself.

*Noodle. This is the current Internet fave, but I don’t necessarily want to equate my thing with something you have to boil before you can eat it.

I’m coming up empty, people, and feeling like a dick. Ideas?