Lonely nights are gone! I’ve got me a new lover and he’s short, quiet, and only needs occasional rinsing. It’s a Fleshlight, the rivetingly lurid device which looks like a flashlight–and it’s fierce during a blackout, I’m sure–but which tops off with a circular patch of rubber with a hole in the middle, like an inflatable doll scaled down to just the orifice. This thing is for the kind of sick mutha perv who feels glory holes are way too intimate. Instead, you can stick your business in the Fleshlight and have a guilt-free night of one-sided fulfillment that’s the ultimate in anonymous pleasure.
A dear friend of mine named Chuck gave this to me for my birthday and, knowing my tastes, he was nice enough to make sure it was African American. I haven’t used the device yet because I don’t have lube in the house–just olive oil, and it’s extra virgin–and besides, I don’t believe in sex on the first date. I want to get to know my Fleshlight before we go to that next level! Anybody want to double date?
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on January 8, 2009