We know, we know — DJs are artists, even though they no longer scratch and pop. Nonetheless the guild’s low bar to entry has made possible a new, horrifying hybrid: the model/DJ. Thrillist informs us that the Stadt agency has bred a race of mannequins who can also press buttons and tell when a song is about to end. Pictured is DJ Chellebomb, who has “consumed her life in the arts” and whose previous jobs have included “show girls, living art installations, body paint,” and “corporate and celebrity events.” Soon we fear DJs will be pulled exclusively from the ranks of models, like television actresses and coat check girls. Then to what will our talentless but starstruck children aspire? Somewhere Jellybean Benitez sadly shakes his head.