What Can’t The Internet Do?


The Internet has become the de rigueur place where people do their reading, their greeting, and their buying, wiping out many other forms of interpersonal traffic with a mere click. But what CAN’T you do on your computer? Are there any activities that force you to actually stand up and move somewhere away from your laptop (or blackberry/Iphone) and actually take some kind of action?

Yes there are, it turns out–four, to be precise:

*Making coffee. Sure, you can simply order a cup to be delivered, but it doesn’t always come just the way you wanted it. To enjoy the shit with just the right kind of milk and sweetener, it’s best to toddle over to the kitchen and do it yourself. You can do it!

*Getting dressed. Sorry, you’re on your own here, people. You’ll have to walk all the way to your closet, put some clothes on, then walk all the way back to your computer. Of course this isn’t the least bit necessary if you’re staying home all day.

*Breaking up with someone. Dumping a lover via email is so terribly impersonal, don’t you think? I prefer to do it via parcel post.

*Going to the bathroom. Apparently you can’t flush your secretions into an Imac–yet.

Anything else you can think of?

This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on January 12, 2009

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