Chronicle of Useless Appliances


You know how to make a slider, don’t you? You just make the hamburger smaller, plop it on

the griddle or in the non-stick skillet, and cook it not quite as long. Voila!

Now along comes an appliance that makes slider-making less of a “chore.” The Big City Slider Station allows you to buy into the slider craze, creating your own sliders as your friends look on in amazement. Like all internet offers, it comes with a blizzard of strange accoutrements, including a “lid” that you’re supposed to put on top of the sizzling burgers, cutting the cooking time down to two minutes, according to the blurb. Of course this results in steamed rather that fried burgers, but if you bought this piece of shit you don’t care.

The detached hand is also shown pushing down on the sliders, which will evacuate all the tasty juices, leaving your slider dry as the desert. And, as if your life wasn’t already easy enough, there’s a clamp that assists you in forming the patties prior to steaming them to death. Enjoy your gray crumbly sliders, consumers! And, to make space in your tiny kitchen, throw out the food processor and clear a nice niche on your shelves for the Big City Slider Station!



This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on January 27, 2009

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