My Oscar Predictions For The World To See


Here they are, boys! Here they are, world! Here’s predictions!

*Best Picture. Slumdog Millionaire. This is the biggest “duh” since Julia Roberts won.

*Best Actor. Sean Penn for Milk. Mickey Rourke will come in a close second, but the Academy usually can’t resist the “bravery” of a straight person playing a gay role–though in real life they honor the reverse.

*Best Actress. Kate Winslet for The Reader. La Streep will be the runner up, the problem being that people wrongly feel she’s been honored enough. Winslet’s been slighted many times before and besides, you just can’t beat the Holocaust!

*Best Supporting Actor. Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight. Actually an even BIGGER “duh” than Best Picture.

*Best Supporting Actress. Penelope Cruz for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. A trophy girlfriend should always be a trophy winner. And her ex, Javier Bardem, will be the one presenting her with the award because he won Supporting Actor last year! I love that kind of ritualized weirdness.

*Best Song. Who cares? There hasn’t been a good song in a movie since “Fame”!

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