Plans are moving apace to purposely set up a “toxic bank” full of poisonous assets to further bail out those banks that had greedily and recklessly accumulated them.
Call it Shitibank. And give it the naming rights to the new baseball stadium for the New York Mets, taking the moniker away from toxic Citibank.
No joke. As Ground Zero reminds us of 9/11, ShitiField would serve as a monument to the global financial meltdown caused by New Yorkers. ShitiField would remind us to burst any future Wall Street bubbles before they blow up in our faces.
And, once the toxic bank is up and running, we proles can move our non-existent pension money to it. But don’t count on driving a new Nissan to the new bank: Even if you could afford to buy one, Nissan can’t afford to keep its factories open to manufacture one.
What’s really going to happen this week sounds just as far-fetched, but it’s not: Many investors on Wall Street don’t want the market to recover. They want it to hit bottom so they can start buying shares and companies again.
Bigwig Ray Dalio of the hedge fund Bridgewater Associates tells Barron’s:
Meanwhile, corporate welfare is humming along, as government’s sudden socialists are coming to the rescue of capitalism. Heartwarming, especially for the likes of Nissan, which, as the Wall Street Journal reports, plans to “seek government assistance from Japan, the U.S. and elsewhere.”
And now the rescue plan for America calls for a combination of the toxic bank and encouragement by the government for hedge funds to profit from the grief by expanding their investments (instead of the government’s clawing back ill-gained profits from hedge funds). And don’t worry about Wall Street’s top execs: All the scoldings by President Barack Obama won’t stop them from making their big bucks. See? The free-market system does work.
At least we know that defense contractors will make it through the depression in good shape. Bibi Netanyahu is about to reclaim control of Israel, and that will signal that, as the BBC reports, “Israel is shifting to the right” and, as the Daily News says, “a harder line is coming with Israel’s Arab neighbors.”
Could the line get any harder, you ask?
While you’re investing in weapons makers or just waiting to pour your money back into the market or snap up some ailing companies, click on these…
NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
Seeking Alpha: ‘U.S. Government vs. the Stock Market’
As Seth Meyers pointed out on Saturday Night Live, Kellogg Company’s image is closer to that of bong-smoking Olympian Michael Phelps than the cereal maker likes to admit.
Kellogg’s Keebler Elves, after all, “live together in a treehouse and do nothing all day but think of new things to put cheese on.”
Wall Street helped produce the global financial and economic crisis. Now, as the Obama administration prepares to unveil a revised bailout plan for the banking system, policy makers hope Wall Street can be part of the solution.
Administration officials said the plan to be announced Tuesday was likely to depend in part on the willingness of private investors other than banks — like hedge funds, private equity funds and perhaps even insurance companies — to buy the contaminating assets that wiped out the capital of many banks.
N.Y. Times: ‘Applications Surge at Cooper Union’
For many high school seniors who are applying to college in the midst of an economic meltdown, Cooper Union’s commitment to full scholarships — regardless of need — has given the institution an almost mythic allure….
While many of the nation’s elite colleges underwrite the education of poor students, Cooper is among a handful of private colleges that are tuition-free for everyone (it does not, however, pay for room and board, though financial aid is available for living expenses).
Newsday: ‘Explore LI: Pamper your pooch’
Wall Street Journal: ‘Bailout Revamp Could Use Private Bank for Bad Assets’
Another Bank Bailout: On Monday, Treasury Secretary Geithner is due to announce the next phase in a long series of government bailouts for banks. The leaks about the plan thus far have indicated a hybrid approach using elements of a “bad bank” and more government guarantees on bank assets. The price action of Bank of America and Citigroup does not inspire confidence in the market’s reaction to previously announced government guarantees of toxic bank assets.
If the regulators hope to bring stability to the markets, they might want to consider leaving the rules unchanged for more than two weeks at a time.
Fox: ‘Australian PM: “It’s Mass Murder”‘
Wall Street Journal: ‘Bank Bailout Plan Revamped’
N.Y. Post: ‘E. HARLEM FIRE DEATH’
Wall Street Journal: ‘Saks Upended Luxury Market’
Fox: ‘Stimulus Plan Includes Billions for Colleges and Students’
N.Y. Daily News: ‘One BIG question remains: Who ratted out Alex Rodriguez?’
N.Y. Daily News: ‘Netanyahu: the Golan Heights ‘will remain in our hands’
Fox: ‘Octuplets’ Grandmother Calls Daughter’s Actions ‘Unconscionable”‘
N.Y. Daily News: ‘GOP’s losses just might save party, says Lazio’
Bloomberg: ‘MGM Doubles Down on Lobbying as U.S. Senators Work on Stimulus Measure’
Jewish Daily Forward: ‘Jewish Charities Look to Stimulus Bill To Stave Off Cuts’
Onion: ‘Per Tradition, Ex-Presidents Watch Obamas Christen White House Bed’
Crain’s New York Business: ‘Parents question mayor’s math’
Wall Street Journal: ‘U.S. Weighs Fed Program to Loosen Lending’
N.Y. Daily News: ‘Mike to GOP: Miss me, baby?’
The debate over the controversial practice of child marriage in Saudi Arabia was pushed back into the spotlight this week, with the kingdom’s top cleric saying that it’s OK for girls as young as 10 to wed.
“It is incorrect to say that it’s not permitted to marry off girls who are 15 and younger,” Sheikh Abdul Aziz Al-Sheikh, the kingdom’s grand mufti, said in remarks quoted Wednesday in the regional Al-Hayat newspaper. “A girl aged 10 or 12 can be married. Those who think she’s too young are wrong and they are being unfair to her.”…
Late last month, a Saudi judge refused to annul the marriage of an 8-year-old girl to a 47-year-old man.
The judge, Sheikh Habib Abdallah al-Habib, rejected a petition from the girl’s mother, whose lawyer said the marriage was arranged by her father to settle a debt with “a close friend.” The judge required the girl’s husband to sign a pledge that he would not have sex with her until she reaches puberty.
Wall Street Journal: ‘Pay Collars Won’t Hold Back Wall Street’s Big Dogs’
N.Y. Post: ‘RAGING PENSION FIRE’
N.Y. Daily News: ‘Bloody mob chop shop could become school bus depot’
N.Y. Post: ‘3 DEAD IN BLOODY UPPER WEST SIDE SLAY-SUICIDE’
Wall Street Journal: ‘Soaring Job Losses Drive Stimulus Deal’
Bloomberg: ‘U.S. Said to Hire N.Y. Bankruptcy Lawyers to Advise on Automakers’ Bailout’
New Yorker: ‘Can We Transform the Auto-Industrial Society?’
N.Y. Daily News: ‘Final nails in coffin for city welfare burial fund’
Wall Street Journal: ‘Railing Against the Rich: A Great American Tradition’
Crain’s New York Business: ‘NYC, London vie for the bottom’
Bloomberg: ‘Fed Calls Emergency Consultants to Triage and Treat AIG, Stricken Markets’
Wall Street Journal: ‘Summers Crafts Broad Role in Reshaping Economy’
Onion: ‘Liberals Horrified By Lack Of Inexperience Among Obama Appointees’
Bloomberg: ‘Notre Dame Cathedral, Louis XIV Chateau Reap Bonanza From France’s Crisis’
Bloomberg: ‘India Bucks Global Auto Trend After Rate Cuts Spur Record Sales at Suzuki’