American Idol Hollywood: Tatiana Pees Herself, Everyone Likes a Black & White Cookie


Sharyn Jackson is your American Idol host for season eight. This week: “do or die” in Hollywood!

Last day of Hollywood Week and it’s “do or die,” explains Ryan Seacrest. Tonight, contestants all have to sing solo, and they can use instruments if they want. Then at the end of the day, the judges will do that painfully annoying thing where they put everyone into three rooms, and then try to psych everyone out about which rooms will be sent home. If you’re stuck in a room with someone who forgot the words, you’re as good as done. Or are you? This year there are four rooms! What does that mean?

There are 72 contestants to begin. Last week we had some juicy losses, like Rose the Barefoot Orphan and Bikini Girl. The leftovers are slightly less interesting, but we still have Norman Gentle, the Blind Guy, and Jason Castro’s brother.
(Where is he?)

After drawing from a vat of numbers, the gay “diverse” David Cook Adam Lambert finds out he’s first to perform. Till now, he’s seemed like a judge favorite, with them doling out little bits of positive commentary along the way, but today we learn they think he’s too musical theater, ahem, gay. Doesn’t help his case when he sings Cher.

Judge Kara gets turned on when Matt Giraud gives us some white-boy-soul on the keys with “Georgia On My Mind.” Everyone stands up except for Simon… and I’m wondering, has Simon ever given a standing O? Anyone know?

Reverse-Black-and-White Cookie Danny Gokey and Jamar Rogers are next. Again, Jamar sings like a white teenager in his bedroom on “Hey There Delilah” and Danny Gokey sings like a member of Boyz II Men on “I Hope You Dance.” How that switcheroo happened, I’ll never understand. They are both loved.

A series of Idol alumni greatest hits: Cute Blind Guy makes a terrible song choice on “I’m Going Home,” the song by Daughtry that sent losers home in their goodbye montages during Season 6. Then, Kendell, a blonde Texan from Puerto Rico, sings Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats.” And Kristin MacNamara–who was bitched out last week, but prevailed in a moment of sweet victory–kills Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You.”

Tatiana, the most annoying drama queen in Idol history, gets made fun of for her inability to shut up. Apparently during the past few days, she’s released about eight songs from her pretty little mouth when only three were required. I don’t know how she’s been given enough reprieves to make it this far, but then she sings her solo and it’s kind of great. Damn. But, throwing a wrench into the self-deducing process of figuring out whether your room is marked for extinction, the judges remove Tatiana from one room and place her in another, slightly better one. What’s this all about?

Nick “Norman Gentle” Mitchell has had some ups and downs during Hollywood week. He’s performed as both of his personalities, and he’s been caught picking his nose trying to decide who should take the stage for solo. Norman dutifully shows up and delivers “Georgia On My Mind” like a less manly Fantasia Barrino.

Michael Sarver, a beefy dad who works as oil rig “roughneck” (is that the official job title?) does just fine. But I’m wondering why these guys always go so far in this show. Remember Sundance? Phil Stacy?

The verdicts

The first group that gets a visit from Paula (in an armored breastplate?), Kara, and Randy is a group of early favorites who kinda sucked. But they all get another chance. That includes Jasmine Murray, who is a bit too beautiful; a bunch of people who forgot their lyrics; the roughneck; and headband-wearing Nathaniel.

Room 2: There will be no Jason 2, because we lose Michael Castro! Michael, we hardly knew ya! Also, the super cute Leneshe Young. And India, who rocked on group night a couple days ago in a team called White Chocolate.

Room 3 (a/k/a Room 1…yeah I know): Randy gives them the spiel about how they are all gonna go home until they show us Danny Gokey is in there, and we know he’s a liar. Cause they are all going make it. Jackie Tohn and Jamar, too.

Last room: Tatiana starts to pee herself waiting for the judges to stop faking it and tell them they made it. When she finds out she’s survived Hollywood, she runs right up to Paula for a (in the words of Simon) “worthy” hug. Also in this room is Norman Gentle!

But wait! They only sent home one room–that was about 15 people. And, it’s only Tuesday. So what’s on tomorrow? They all have to audition at posh and ridiculous “Judges Mansion” where the judges will select the final 36. Are we expected to believe these four live together? Brace yourselves: I’m sensing a Fox Reality spinoff.

Archive Highlights