New York

It’s OK To Get Drunk On February 18!

by

I just got a release saying that February 18 is the official annual Day of Wine, when we can all down a jug of merlot in hopes that it’ll stave off future heart attacks. And I recently remember hearing something about a designated month where no one was allowed to say an epithet to anyone–and this little cocksucker was thrilled about it!

But it seems so arbitrary when these days or months are announced, especially when they’re obviously just p.r. stunts posing as unofficial holidays. Besides, they’ve left out so many possibilities. How about:

*A Day of Completion, when everyone having sex is forced to swallow.

*A month where you have to walk backwards everywhere you go. No one’s working anyway. It’ll be crazy fun!

*An Honest Week where you tell everyone you know what you really think of them. That’ll be followed by a year of staying in the house.

*A Day of Silence. No talking, no TV, no music. And if it falls on the Day of Completion, swallow very slowly!