“I’d be a fool to argue that jobs are plentiful these days,” says Tory Johnson at the New York Post, but she does know 20 companies who are hiring. The jobs in the first several paragraphs — offered by small tech-intense companies like etsy.com who have not yet run through their venture capital — seem okay and you might be safe at them for months before investors pull the plug. At other companies the Post cites, the allegedly available jobs are in specialized positions like “project control specialists” and “associate director of research” which, forgive our horrible prejudice, most Post readers (like us!) are probably not qualified to do.
Buried deeper in, you will find “short-term hires or last-minute assignments” from Lloyd Staffing like “trade-show booth personnel, mailroom and copy operators and receptionists” and jobs serving hot dogs at ballparks. You can also get eight dollars an hour wiping old people’s butts. It’s not all downscale from there — The CEO of 5W Public Relations (“Ronn [sic] Torossian”) may take a chance on your sorry recession-era ass, but warns, “We expect more from people right now. Be ready to work harder and make less.” So maybe you’ll be wiping old people’s butts there, too.
As you may have surmised, the deeper into the article you get, the sadder the prospects. The Post probably figures the comfortable will just read the beginning and think, “Things aren’t so bad, good reporting!” and move on, while the desperate will read it all and think, “If I can just get two or three of these jobs, my family and I might survive! Good reporting!” So, you see, everybody wins.