Classic Movie Plots That Should Have Been Different


Even the greatest Oscar-winning epic can be improved with a little tweaking. In fact, whenever I watch my favorite works of world cinema, I’m still bugged by storylines that should have come out differently, for chrissake.

For example:

In The Sound of Music, Captain Von Trapp should run off with the Countess, not with Maria. After all, the Countess is extremely rich and besides, this way Maria won’t be leaving the convent!

At the end of All About Eve, we don’t need the new girl sucking up to Eve, thereby showing that the cycle repeats itself. We know that already! Just end it!

At the end of Saturday Night Fever, Tony Manero and whatshername should fucking win. Why did I slog through two hours of polyester-clad strutting, only to be taught some miserable lesson about values? I want to feel good!

And conversely, at the end of Slumdog Millionaire, Jamal should screw up the final question! Don’t have people jumping into fecal fountains, then make the whole thing climax with a game show victory and a smiley-faced Bollywood number. It’s totally bad karma!

Of course I may be wrong.

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