Which Old Broads Are Still Bang-able?


Let me assume the emotional posture of a crass and insecure straight dude and wonder aloud which stars who are really old–you know, MY age–are still worth a flop in the hay, even if the act would have to be done with walkers and Metamucil? In other words, which old ladies would you still want to stick it to?

I rummaged through the attic of my mind and came up with three dames who happen to be Oscar winners and one who’s a nominee, so I guess awards tend to add to someone’s sexual luster, shining a golden glow on all the liver spots and replaced body parts.

My Boniva-laden picks are:

Helen Mirren, who’s 63 and still much foxier than the Queen of England.

Sophia Loren, who’s 74 years young. Her wig is on lopsided and she can’t always read through her bifocals, but she still reminds me of Sophia Loren when she was Sophia Loren. She’s one steaming hot piece of lasagna.

Judi Dench, who’s also 74 and has those cute little features that make you want to grab her by the world-respected nostrils and make her beg for more.

And finally, Gloria Stuart, who at 98 still makes my heart go on and on. This hellacious hottie isn’t old–she’s REALLY old–but her withered wisdom only adds to her allure. But she’d be hotter if she’d actually WON the Oscar!

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