You know how some people are born to be on camera (like me) and others wither and die in front of it, like vampires exposed to the sun? Well, count this clip among the latter phenomenon. It’s a classic local TV commercial–dug up from an ’80s vault and sent to me by drag performer/writer John Epperson–for the Grand Prospect Hall, a wedding place in Brooklyn run by people who obviously know English as a ninth language. After sumptuous shots of chandeliers and floral arrangements, an overstuffed looking couple standing on a grand staircase speaks to the camera, which has no choice but to record their image. The woman is clearly the star, barking, “We make your dreams come true,” as if she learned that sentence syllable by sylllable and has no idea what the fuck she’s saying. The man then announces the name of the place and phone number, without any explanation of just what it is they can offer you. They look dazed, but not as dazed as you are.
I’ll tell you what they can offer you. Unlimited joy on YouTube! This sick little 30-second spot has always made my dreams come true!