This Enormously Disturbing, Eyeball-Lacerating 50 Cent-Narrated Sex Tape Is, Sadly, Not the Only One of Its Kind


So the above is nominally 50 Cent’s revenge on Rick Ross for a crime whose origins are already murky at best–Ross made fun of him for burning his baby mother’s house down in “Mafia Music,” back in January, and things just got more upsetting from there. 50 struck back with “Officer Ricky,” a barely disguised homage to Cam’ron’s own 50 Cent takedown, “Curtis.” Then 50 took Ross’s baby mother shopping, which we predicted would end in violence and has instead, apparently, ended in 50 finding a tape of the mother of Rick Ross’s other child having sex on camera. A tape he narrates in character as Pimpin’ Curly, which means he wears a curly wig and robe and generally talks fast, and in a high voice. A tape which is enough to keep you from eating solid food for the next week.

Anyway, for the truly masochistic, there are precedents. Who can forget Cam’ron in Paid in Full, also wearing a robe, screaming “THAT’S HOW YOU FUCK” while screening his own sex tape in a bar full of horrified actors attempting to remain in character?

Or, even more inexplicably, DMX making some innocent dude take off all his clothes in somebody’s basement in a crucial, baffling-to-this-day scene in Belly.

Recall, uh, Eminem and Brittany Murphy in 8 Mile. On YouTube, not only is the embedding disabled, but so is the audio–mercifully, if we correctly recall the extent to which the whole thing involved really-kind-of-uncomfortable erotic mewling.

And we’d post a Ray J/Kim Kardashian screenshot, too, if we didn’t think it’d finish off what’s left of our self-respect and dignity. Why did we go down this road again?

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