It’s against the law to sleep with wildlife–I’m pretty sure, anyway; someone, quick, look it up–but if that weren’t the case, which critters in all of tarnation would you find the most fuckable? Yes, this is a little bit sick, but let’s face it, certain animals happen to be cuter than others and occasionally you might find the urge to snuggle up with them outside of a barnyard setting. After all, the expression “animal husbandry” didn’t pop out of nowhere!
So, be brutally honest. Which creature, real or imagined, would you most fervently want to get biblical with?
*Bambi. Traumatized by the death of her mother, she’d be all vulnerable and shit, quite ready for you to sneak up on her.
*Babe. A real pig bottom. And you wouldn’t have to pull that routine out of Deliverance: “Squeal like a pig!” He just would.
*Beverly Hills Chihuaha He’s a teeny, tiny package, but appaarently not where it counts, thank God.
*Mother Goose. I’ll give her a goose all right.