Equality

Help Me Think Up a New Name

by

I’m tired of being called Michael Musto. It’s as drab as dirt and a little too male to go with my physiognomy. So I’ve been playing around with other names, trying to come up with something completely different, something that sounds as festive as I feel.

A couple of years ago, I whimsically asked friends to call me Joyce Purnick, but that didn’t stick at all.

More recently, I demanded to be called Mittens, like the bitchy cat in Bolt, and one friend nicely went along with it for a couple of minutes, but no one else bit the bait. They clearly didn’t want to feed into any gimmick that would have me getting all new attention! Ah, fuck ’em. Their name is mud.

Continuing on, I’m currently considering either Peaches Reno, Sadie McKee, or Twaddles. Do you like any of those–or maybe something even more fantabulous? (Be kind.)