New York

Is Topshop Just For Tops?


The Topshop just opened in SoHo and I wasn’t invited, even though I’m exclusively a top! Shouldn’t this place be for tops only? If not, it’s false advertising and the clothing store chain should be sent back to the UK from whence it came. On either continent, shouldn’t they ban anyone who takes it up the ass?

And shouldn’t the store have separate sections for raunchy tops, aggressive tops, and sadistic tops? Not to mention halter tops? And don’t the posters around town for the place, which blare “Topmen,” look like the covers of ’70s gay porn magazines?

Aren’t they going to read this and be extra glad they didn’t invite me?

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