On the April 6 Tyra, the guest is Levi Johnston, the hapless guy who impregnated Sarah Palin‘s daughter Bristol, but who at least got lucky enough to not go through with the whole thing.
Well, Palin is spitting mad that Levi has gone public with his views, and her official response, through a family rep, is as fiery as her butt is after a plate of chile rellenos. Let me break it down for you.
Palin’s statement: “Bristol did not even know Levi was going on the show.”
Translation: “The girl’s not too plugged in–except for Harlequin romance novels and the daily specials at Applebee’s.”
Statement: “We’re disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention, and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship.”
Translation: “We can’t believe he’s as much of a mouthy whore as I am!”
Statement: “Bristol’s focus will remain on raising Tripp, completing her education, and advocating abstinence. It is unfortunate that Levi finds it more appealing to exploit his previous relationship with Bristol than to contribute to the well being of the child.”
Translation: “The dumb bitch got knocked up and, because of my strict family values, she had to go through with the pregnancy so as not to embarrass me and my electoral campaign. Now she’s stuck with the kid as a single mother who has to pretend she’s never gonna get fucked again. Next time she gets knocked up, I’m going on Tyra!”