When “Year You Were Born” is an Idol episode theme, anything should happen, but last night’s predictable mess yielded just one surprise: Simon Cowell’s standing ovation for the swishiest contestant in history and new Bill O’Reilly foe, Adam Lambert. So, which boring B-list hopeful will win a one-way ticket back to the middle of nowhere tonight? Will it be Blind Guy, or will he skate by on another pity vote? Has Lil Rounds finally outstayed her welcome after taking on a Tina Turner song she shouldn’t have dared? Will Anoop’s unwillingness to wear something not from J. Crew hold him back? The anticipation is too much to handle!
But first… the requisite performances by former Idol cast-offs and current Top 40 artists. No one can top Lady Gaga and her entourage’s awesomeness last week, and they don’t even try; tonight’s lineup includes Flo Rida and…Kellie Pickler. But that’s not all! Some old dude in a suit comes out to sing a song from the year Simon was born–it’s Frankie Avalon! Simon beams while Frankie croons “Venus” and children everywhere are shocked that there was a time when performers got away with appearing on stage without an armored dance suit and an entourage of acrobats.
Ok, are we sure the group sings are lip-synched? ‘Cause this rendition of “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” doesn’t seem good enough for any producer to allow to air. Except for when Adam makes love to me with his eyes, it’s abysmal. Everyone’s out of tune and seemed to forget difficult words like “La la la la la lalala” and “Forever and ever and ever.”
Not only do we get a Ford music video, but we also get a “making of” Ford video sequence. Someone acutally directs these things! It’s an Adam lookalike. Adam’s wearing fake lashes. Oh, so are the others. Hot. Just like a “Circus.” “Look out, Britney,” says Ryan in a detached monotone unmatched so far this season.
Finally! Adam, Kris safe. Anoop to the loser’s lounge. So far, so good.
Ohh, so that’s Flo Rida! (Sorry.) And no, he doesn’t top Gaga, but not for lack of effort. He seems like a pretty good guy, and I like his lead gal’s shoulder-shimmy. He also demonstrates that Idol just needs a little more confetti in performances. But did Fox bleep out his web plug? Weird.
Danny Gokey, Matt Giraud safe. Scott to the Bottom 3. Lil joins him; Allison is safe.
So tonight’s Bottom 3 includes all the minorities left on the show. But before we eliminate one of them, we have to sit through Kellie Pickler’s crazy eyes and uncomfortable flirting with Simon. Ryan promises her calamari back stage, and with that she runs off so that we can get back to the verdicts.
Lil is safe. The margin between the last two is only 30,000 votes, and it’s Scott who came up short. Paula’s on the verge of tears. Kara’s devastated that mountains will stop moving. Fairies will lose their wings. “How can I convince you?” Scott begins to sing in his encore. There’s no way, Scott. None. Nice guy, but average singer, and he’s going home.