Bisexual Furor! I’m The Gay Devil!


Swarms of bisexuals have clicked ambidextrously on their keyboards to shoot me rage-filled responses to my post last week called “Ever Meet a Real Bisexual?

“Are you saying I don’t exist?” sounded the bi brigade, fuming. “How dare you, turdface!”

The gay watchdog group GLAAD even contacted me in dismay, which was a thrill. See, for decades I’ve been totally out and have championed gay needs and pioneered gay trends, with barely a shred of recognition or support from GLAAD. Finally, I got their attention! (Update: Once I bristled, the woman from GLAAD turned out to be very understanding. She listened to my side, is pleased that I allowed room for dissent, and is willing to make me feel more welcome there, while also listening to the protesters’ complaints. I guess we can all be friends–but only if they change their name to the more bisexual-friendly sounding GLBAAD.)

Anyway, I apologize for having caused some division within the LGBT community. I honestly tried to be truthful from my own perspective. I’m well aware that bisexuals exist, and said so in my post. I was merely relaying that in my own personal experience, “most” of the people who’ve told me they were bi later turned out to be using that as a cover and were actually antsy gay men (and in one case there was a straight woman trying to be cool, then dropping it once lesbian chic temporarily peaked).

I would think real bisexuals would be pissed too that so many people pretending to be bi constantly cloud their category. Instead, I became labeled a monster, and I’m willing to deal with that in my own monosexual way.

Besides, a good thing that came out of this whole uproar is that I had asked to be educated about real bisexuals out there, and I’m glad that I was. There’s a LOT of them, and they swear they’re not pretending.