See into the future, Central, Mountain, and Pacific Idol fans; this is the Eastern Daylight live-blog, in which I dutifully tell you exactly what happens to Lil Rounds’ stony, bitter visage as she’s vengefully cast off for spitting in the face of movie-music magic and giving Simon a piece of her mind last night. Projecting, am I? Let’s see.
9:01. Quentin Tarantino practices his best Adam Lambert-creepy stare, right into the camera at the end of a hyperdramatic movie-preview-style intro. Fancy.
9:02. Miley Cyrus! Jennifer Hudson! Oh, this will be the best night ever!
9:04. It’s already Ford infomercial time. After going over-time again last night, producers make sure they don’t cut off any of the important stuff by loading it in at the top of the show.
9:05. Group sing: “Maniac.” Kara looked like she was about to flash Kris. Simon thoroughly enjoyed being sung at by a sultry minor. Adam’s looking at me! Creeepy. Danny’s glasses are back. Matt’s definitely the best singer/syncher in all this bizness.
9:12. Allison makes it sound like three months into this show, she’s never been in a limo before.
9:13. The contestants whore themselves on the red carpet at the premiere of 17 Again, but where’s Zac Efron?
9:15. Adam: “I liked the cheerleaders” ‘s outfits. There’s Zac! Kris is no longer the prettiest boy in the room.
9:16. Allison: Ryan says “special sauce” and it’s gross. But she’s safe So is Adam. Anoop tells Ryan to hurry up delivering the news that he’s in the Bottom Three.
9:24. Goosebumps during J-Hud’s intro video. It’s her first time re-visiting the show! And I’d just like to share my favorite of Jennifer’s Idol experiences from Season 3. Sooo great. Anyway, she’s lovely. Her backup singers are a little funky–where’s Melinda Doolittle when you need her? And it looks like she’s having an earring/earpiece problem? Or just an OCD thing about touching her hair?
9:34. Poor Anoop. Even when he does well, no one votes for him. The audience is shocked, shocked when Simon says Anoop belongs in the Bottom Three.
9:35. Last night’s silenced judges, Simon and Paula, tell Kris he was brilliant last night. Lil, whose name Ryan still can’t pronounced, continues to defend herself. Of these two, Lil is sent to join Anoop.
9:37. It’s Matt vs. Danny. Is that supposed to be suspenseful? This doesn’t even deserve spooky Idol bass chords. Matt rounds out the Bottom Three, which becomes Two as Anoop is sent back to safety.
9:45. Miley Cyrus sings “The Climb,” a vaguely country-pop song, like a poor man’s Carrie Underwood. She’s in a pretty prom dress, but her linebacker shoulders don’t do it any justice.
9:54. It’s time… 36 million votes, and somehow Lil is still in the competition. Whaaaat?
9:55. Can Matt do it? Can he convince the judges to keep him in play? Paula and Kara are in their own world, singing and dancing like this is the Electric Slide at a Bar Mtizvah. The audience is cheering “Save, save, save!” They listen–he’ll be back next week for Disco! Oof.