What we’re discovering as Eminem’s long-awaited Relapse rolls out is that without threatening to rape and chop up his mom and wife, Marshall Mathers doesn’t have a lot to say. This afternoon, “3 A.M.” leaked, and it’s another horror-core fantasy written from the perspective of a goofball serial killer–pretty much the same sleepwalking murderer character Eminem summoned on “I’m Having a Relapse,” who seemed vaguely compelling the first time out, but now just seems like the Saturday morning cartoon version of Jason. This faux-psychopath wakes up in bloody and naked in McDonald’s with bodies behind the counter, can’t remember doing anything, but must’ve “keeled” them–yep, Em’s still white-trash. More proof? He jerks off to Hannah Montana. So sure, we’ve got a bit of pedophilia here, I guess to make sure somebody’s upset about this song? But what’s even worse is that Eminem actually quotes Silence of the Lambs, mentions Kim Kardashian, again, and raps in the wack-ass accent of Apu’s naturalized cousin, again. Ugh.
Eminem murdered his baby-mama on his first record and had his daughter help. That was scary. This just sounds like the underdeveloped imagination of a pimply 15 year old who’s going through a creepy phase of jerking off to the Neve Campbell/Skeet Ulrich sex scene in Scream. Nine years ago, Em spat at us on The Marshall Mathers LP, “You don’t wanna fuck with Shady because Shady will fuckin’ kill you.” Then we believed him. Now? Not so much.