New York

Ordering Booze By Brand Name Is Silly


I get hives when I hear someone sidle up to a bar and order “Ketel One with cranberry” or “Grey Goose with soda”. What happened to the good old days when people would simply say “vodka cran, please”? Not pretentious enough?

The specificity of today’s drink orders is supposed to reflect the consumer savviness of a new generation who don’t want just any poison down their throats, they want precise forms of it. But their endearing idiocy is what really emerges with every syllable.

First of all, do they really know the difference, tastewise, between the various boozes or are they just parroting what brilliant ad campaigns have conditioned them to say?

Furthermore, do they actually think they’re getting the particular vodka they ordered, and even if so, don’t they realize it’ll be way watered down to unidentifiability?

And if they’re so stringent about their taste, why not also say “with Ocean Spray cranberry juice”?

End of sermon. I’m going back to my Swanson’s TV dinner.

Most Popular