There are only five contestants left, meaning that by the time the show starts, it’s almost over! Since we already know Adam Lambert is going to win, this is really all just a formality, but let’s take a stroll through it together, shall we?
We are promised some of America’s most classic music of all time–tonight’s theme is Rat Pack Era–but Ryan Seacrest asks, “Who will set the stem?” The stem? You lost me there, buddy.
After the judges’ intro, Ricky Minor’s band gets a shout-out a la The Late Show. Then in a video set at the Idol Mansion, none of the contestants have any clue who the “mystery mentor” could be since all the Rat Packers are dead, though Matt wins for best guess (Rod Stewart). But no, instead of a real-life musician, we get someone who’s played one on TV (and has had professional proximity to Jennifer Hudson): Jamie Foxx. Jamie admits to really liking the Top 5, and talks about himself in the third person.
Jamie wants to make a record with the competition’s prettiest boy. He says we’ll be blown away by Kris’s performance of “The Way You Look Tonight”–and not even know it!. What good is that? In fact, Kris is competent, but lifeless in his performance, though staring into those brown eyes, I don’t care if he sings like William Hung. Randy was also hypnotized by the beauty, because he calls it Kris’s best performance. Kara (coiffed and attired in what one could assume is her vintage look) calls Kris the dark horse. But Cowell says it was “a little bit wet.” Ahahaha. Wet.
The last woman standing has a new streak of purple in her otherwise crimson locks. Yesterday she turned 40–ahem, 17–but Jamie Foxx says her performance of “Someone To Watch Over Me” is innocent. That’s the last word I’d use to describe Allison’s voice. And this Benjamin Button child who’s lived through like, everything, sang the hell out of it. To put it like Randy, she sang it “like Pink but with 9,000 more octaves.” Kara and Paula congratulate her on it. Simon found it mechanical, and is just concerned that Allison doesn’t believe in herself.
The one who should not still be here, but for the fascistic mercy of the producers/judges, is singing “My Funny Valentine.” He’s wearing his confidence-helmet in the form of a black hat, but his voice has a weird nasal quality and a hideous occasional affectation in the style of Megan Joy, despite the ability to hit lots of falsetto notes. Randy says it was pitchy, but Paula and Simon love it, and Simon calling it the most authentic performance of the night. Dude, Simon, the veto was already used. Let the boy go home.
So this means Adam Lambert is saved for last AGAIN! Anyway, Jamie got in Danny’s “grill” to make the weird homo vibes bring out a better singing voice. Well, that’s one coaching method that’d new to me, but cool. Danny’s singing “Come Rain or Come Shine.” Thankfully, this weeks’ genre doesn’t call for erratic attempted dancing, and I’m thankful for the reprieve. The song is sung in regular husky-voiced Danny Gokey style, though it’s severely lacking in pity points. Interesting. Randy says Danny should do a standards album. Kara says he has the Rat Pack swagger. Simon loved the arrangement and the vocals.
Let’s see if Jamie gets in Adam’s grill, too. Not an option: Jamie says Adam’s rendition of “Feeling Good” is going to “knock everybody’s head off.” Adam’s the only one to get full stage star-treatment tonight, with a long hot-pink staircase bringing him center stage. His tan, or foundation, does him well this week–his skin is looking much better. His voice is octaves higher than Nina Simone’s, and his singing, like usual, is above and beyond even Danny Gokey’s best show. Randy: “It’s a little theatrical.” (Simon: “That’s like complaining that a cow moos.”) Kara: “Confusing, and shocking, and sleazy. I like you.” Paula compares him to Michael Phelps.
Who is going home tomorrow: Matt Giraud’s time has come.