Cheek, In Review: 7 Days of Runnin’ Scared


Swine is the word! It started out as a mere public health emergency. Some kids got sick in Queens and they closed their school. Then it went viral, so to speak, becoming the new thing everyone’s enemies caused. Another Queens school closed. A kid died in Texas. Two Brooklyn schools closed. The Israeli Health Minister tried to change the flu’s name, was rejected. Google mapped the panicdemic. WHO and Joe Biden took it to Level 5. An Obama administration official got it. At this point we wish the damn germs would just kill us already and get it over with.

President Obama got his multi-zillion-dollar budget passed in the Senate, and helped Chrysler go bankrupt. His plane was doubly treasonous, doing a “photo op” over Manhattan, scaring a bunch people and creating a new day of remembrance — 4/27! Never Forget! Despite his continued America-bashing, David Souter will graciously allow him to pick a Supreme Court Justice. Weep, eagle, weep!

Mayor Bloomberg stood up for Con Edison against his blown-up citizens, for his reputation against Martha Stark‘s job, and for subway travel against Joe Biden. A court failed to stop his mayoral run, and the New York Post straight-up pimped it. He had such a great week he celebrated by raising the sales tax and cutting jobs.

The MTA threatened to close the subways at night.

Temperatures rose and so did the crime — especially the knife murder rate.

Former big tobacco advocate Kirsten Gillibrand stood up for kids’ health.

We found Julissa Brisman‘s diary, then her calendar photo.

Balducci’s closed. Jayson Williams went nuts, Arlen Specter went Democrat. Lance Armstrong got back in the saddle. The Jets got Mark Sanchez. The Yankees cut their ticket prices. Allen Barra defended A-Rod, again. Twitter became an info-webcast subject. The drunk-rape cops were indicted and turned themselves in (they pleaded not guilty). The NYCHA threw pit bulls out of the projects. Beauty pageant winner Mr. Panama beat his way out of his crown. A crackhead got into a wall. A building fell down. The “Zodiac Killer Daughter” was debunked. Ringling Brothers is bringing its mistreated elephants to Coney Island.

Gay marriage supporters rallied in Albany, but the real action was in New Hampshire, where the legislature passed a bill. Your move, Albany.

Grand Central‘s chandeliers went green, then so did police cars.

Crap reigned supreme with a World War II baby care manual and e-mail from God for Teens.

Tom Robbins told us why Joe Bruno really quit. Robert Schaffer further described his life as a welfare prince.

R.I.P. Conde Nast Portfolio, King of Staten Island John Marchi, Queen of the Lower Register Bea Arthur, and another damned week.