A cow got away from the people who wanted to cut him into pieces in Queens today. The cow, unnamed for obvious reasons, ran up 109th Avenue and was finally caught in Steve Kahn’s yard, whereupon the desperate, struggling creature was returned to the Halal slaughterhouse, where he is resting in his own filth in preparation for his murder and evisceration, and the defilement of his corpse. So distraught was the animal that he smashed his head into a horse trailer in his effort to elude his captors. “He had good spunk,” said one witness.
Update: Whoops. Animal Care and Control has named the cow “Molly” and says “we want her to live.” They also say they are trying to place her at a sanctuary farm. Too much publicity, apparently. But the spotlight will swing away, we expect, and Molly will be renamed ground chuck and/or sirloin. We shall keep an eye out.