I haven’t seen the new Star Trek movie, partly because I could give two shits about it and also because I wasn’t invited to a screening. But I’ve seen images of the two stars, Chris Pine, who plays Kirk, and Zachary Quinto, who’s Spock, and I have to say that while they’re super cute–and you can beam me up George Takei’s butt if you think I’m out of line here–the original stars were hotter.
There was something about Willliam Shatner before he became a total smarmball and Leonard Nimoy when his big ears suggested all kinds of other distended body parts, that really made my Starship Enterprise want to leave the terminal. They came off kind of smart and bottled up and a little sadistic and I wanted them to hurt me a little.
Of course, they all pale compared to bald, shiny Patrick Stewart on Star Trek: The Next Generation–or, if you prefer, the equally hairless Persis Khambatta in Star Trek–The Motion Picture. But again, I don’t really, um, give a shit.