The Worst Piano Bar Songs in History!


“Suddenly Seymour”. I actually adore this song (though I’ve never felt Audrey would be comfortable with words like “condescend”), but I can’t stand hearing it one more time, especially as sung by overly loud duos consisting of a fat girl and a goofy gay. Enough!

“All That Jazz”. I’ve seen so many great people do this number on all kinds of sets and risers that I can’t bear to watch drunken bachelorettes screeching it on a stained wood floor, complete with woozy hip swiveling and awkward arm gestures. I always wish they’d rouge their knees and go elsewhere.

“Corner of the Sky”. People get all earnest and misty-eyed as they belt this one, which has long been one of the most cliched audition songs for people who never get the job.

“I Dreamed a Dream”. Everyone suddenly wants to try this dirgy ballad to prove they’re even better than Susan Boyle. Instead, their “Dream” invariably turns into a nightmare. Simon would vomit.

Anything from My Fair Lady. Drunks at piano bars should never do accents!